I have been lamenting nearly every hour that I am not inspired at the moment to write a sexy, hot, titillating romance.
One reason is I'm just not feeling like I'm in the mood for any sex. LOL.
But another is I recently had a negative experience with a member of the male community that has sort of made me hate all men in general for the moment.
See. There was this...guy. Just a guy that I know that, despite the fact that I'm married, I thought was very attractive. I mean, I'm married, not dead. And he was just a hot guy.
He was a person I admired from a far. (I'm kind of hoping he doesn't know about this blog, but at this point, I'm kinda saying fuck it. Fuck him. If you're reading this, fuck you.)
One thing you should know about me is I rarely if EVER find men attractive. ANY men. My husband is very good looking -- but he's lucky I even noticed him years ago. Hot dudes have never been on my radar in my real life. I like celebrity hot dudes and looking at them way more than I admire men in real life. It's easier and...safer.
So, anyway, this guy. He shall remain nameless. He befriended me in a seemingly innocent way. And being the idiot that I am, I thought we were friends. Sure, we flirted with each other, but I didn't think he had any actual feelings for me. I still don't know if he did. He mostly just talked to me about his life and himself and some of my life issues. Oh, and my book. He was into the fact I wrote a dirty book.
It was nice to get a bit of attention from a hot guy. I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I'm 35. I need to know I still have it sometimes.
But, there was never anything said from his end that was overtly romantic. This hot guy was my "friend"...until one day he wasn't. He stopped all communication what-so-ever. If we were dating, I would say he "ghosted" me, a term I only learned after this happened. It means a person you think likes you until they just stop texting or calling with absolutely no explanation. This is something people actually do to each other these days. Not just teenagers -- 30 year olds on the dating scene are doing this on the regular to each other!
Because I was so blown away by this treatment, I gave this dude several chances to explain to me why he suddenly just stopped wanting to have any place in my life. Had he fallen in love with me accidentally although I'm married? Did he think I was willing to have an affair and he hated me for being that immoral? Did he just get bored with being a friend to a girl who wasn't gonna sleep with him? I have no idea.
I'll never know because when I got the courage to ask him about it, fairly casually, via text (and also an email, I'm stupid), he...you guessed it...didn't even bother to respond.
Plus, I'll never see him in person again to get the story.
I shouldn't care, I know. But this experience taught me something about humanity that I had never experienced before. I've never been literally thrown into the delete pile of someone else's life so unceremoniously and for no stated reason. That kind of friendship-ending hasn't happened to me since I was in...grade school, maybe?
Plus, I kind of liked him and he was cute. I wasn't gonna have an affair with him, but it was a fun friendship. Or I thought it was...until it SO WASN'T.
Men. How am I supposed to write about fucking them when I fucking hate them right now?